Mom’s Advice: Follow Your Own Path!

I gave my two soon to be high school graduates some advice last night. It was to take some of the unsolicited advice they are now being given by family and friends with a grain of salt. The fact is, I did not anticipate that people would tell Connor and Rachel what they feel is the right path for their lives. I tend to be more positive than actual life sometimes so disappointment is inevitable, I guess! 

Even before their senior year was derailed by the pandemic, Connor and Rachel were on a path that was different than what was previously envisioned for them. They worked pretty hard to get to where they are right now; graduating on July 18, 2020. It was not easy, it was not pretty. But they did it!

Now the critics who have only a topical insight to their journey thus far have started to come out of the woodwork and feel it is their place to give advice. Nope. Don’t do it. It is rude, inconsiderate and incredibly self serving to give unsolicited advice.

Here are the facts. My son and my daughter are amazing people. They are unique. They are independent. They have thoughts and plans of their own. Dreams of their own. They are not perfect. They have a lot to learn, but it’s up to them to learn. They may ask for help along the way, they may not. They will have successes, they will have failures. They don’t need to be told to learn any other way than their own way. I am happy that they are motivated to do things differently. I am also so grateful that they have one another.

My daughter will be going to college, but not until spring of 2021. I personally think this is a smart move. I would rather have her start this next phase of her life after things hopefully start moving in the right direction and life becomes more “normal” in the wake of the Covid-19 pandemic. In the meantime, she plans on getting her driver’s license, getting a job, getting a car and moving into an apartment with a friend. Spreading her wings!

My son does not have immediate plans to go to college. He is going to Europe in July! He already has his ticket and will be spending a couple of months in Italy with his girlfriend and her family and traveling a bit. Living his life!

In my opinion, the notion that college is the next best step for all high school graduates is pretty narrow minded. Obviously, it is awesome when a college education is obtained right after high school and careers are started as a result. I just think that if someone decides to pursue other options, it is their prerogative. Joining the workforce, learning a trade, taking a gap year, going to college…everyone is different! 

I went to college for a year. The plan was to go into journalism. I was a great student. I was paying for tuition myself. I was not sure that I was on the right career path and did not want to keep paying for an education in a field to which I was not committed. I stopped going to school and took a part time job at a bank as a teller. 33 years later, I am still in banking! I am a branch manager and a vice president at the bank. I am a very happy employee with a career I love! I went back to school for some classes along the way, but never got a degree. I am a notary public and I did obtain my life/health insurance license, my series 6, 7, 63 and 24 securities licenses. My point is this. I chose my own path and still kept learning in different ways. I am happy and I make a decent living. I definitely could never have predicted or envisioned my path, but I followed it anyway! 

As their mother, I told Connor and Rachel a couple of things. They came to me to talk about this, so I don’t consider this unsolicited advice, I consider this parenting. Here is what I told them…

I told them that everyone is different. I told them never to compare themselves to anyone else or the path others are on. I told them to be true to themselves. I told them to tune out anyone who feeds them negativity or tries to make them feel bad for the path they are taking because it is not the path that others have taken or others have envisioned for them. As long as they are true to themselves and responsible and kind, they should feel free to follow their own paths. I told them to not listen to what other people think they should be doing or where they should be going. I told them to be true to themselves. I told them all I want for them is for them to be happy and healthy. I asked them to be smart about their choices in life, but to live their lives and enjoy themselves. I told them that I am here for them. I told them I love them. I told them I am proud of them.

Bottom line, here is my advice to those that want to give unsolicited advice to my soon-to-be high school graduates. Don’t.