Becoming ME…

I have not published anything on this blog for a bit. I’ve been busy. Not necessarily busy with physical activities that limit my time to write, but busy with thoughts, feelings and growing pains that have consumed my ability to focus on any one thing to write and share. 

I know I’m not alone. This is an unprecedented time in which we live. A pandemic overlapped with civil unrest, all slathered in hate and racism.

Even still, this is not all that has been consuming me. Perhaps it has helped me become more introspective. I have been feeling all kinds of feels for quite some time now, dating much further back than all of this year. Maybe it’s because my two children are high school seniors. Maybe it’s because I have had extra time to self reflect these last few months. Maybe it’s because of certain interactions and happenings with close family members and friends. Maybe it’s due to unforeseen and unseen stresses that have been gnawing at my heart and soul. Maybe it’s all of that! Regardless, in the midst of everything, I have been opening my eyes, ears and heart to see, hear and LISTEN. It has not all been happy and pretty! Some of what I’ve been experiencing has been painful, heart breaking and sad, however, there have been smidges of happiness and joy sprinkled throughout. ALL of the feelings and stresses have been necessary and cathartic to redirect me. For sure, all of it has led me to the path on which I need to be. For ME. 

I know all of that is very vague! The truth is, I don’t think it’s necessary for me to share the details of it all. I got to this revelation of my life by living my life and being me. I saw something recently that was written by John Roedel. It details a conversation with God in which the author speaks of his own brokenness. God finally makes the author understand that he is becoming what he was created to be, he is not breaking after all. 

When all the stuff happens and all the feelings are felt and hearts feel like they are breaking, it is all helping us become a truer version of ourselves. When friends “abandon” us, family grows apart, plans don’t go as planned, things you think you have “fixed” break in a different way you didn’t expect, bumps and forks in the road lead you to places you didn’t intend to go, roll with it! It’s all part of the plan. It may not be easy and you may have some confusion and clarity may be sparse. Try to look at things from a different perspective, look for any silver linings. It’s your life, it’s all for you. Live it, love it, learn from it!